The Great Shoe Learning
If you haven’t read my shoe story from the beginning (they are all on my website). It doesn’t matter as this blog is more about me, and hopefully, you will connect with that.
Manifestation is a simple concept, but the fact is that our saboteurs are persistent and can stand in the way of what we want.
I first saw the shoes I set my heart on two years before they made their way into my wardrobe.
A long time coming, but they still came.
I battled with feelings of low self-esteem that I didn’t even know I had, and they were so strong I felt powerless against them.
My partner Gareth suggested we drive down to Milan in December and buy the shoes as a Christmas gift. It sounded like a simple enough task, and I was super excited!
We set off from our home and, after crossing the channel, made our way down to our first stop, Lake Garda in northern Italy. Ooh.. it was cold. We ended up staying in a deserted castle high above the lake with spectacular views.
The idea was to spend 4 nights here, then make our way back via Milan.
Once in Milan, we stayed just outside the City but within walking distance of the train station. The first day in the city coincided with a national holiday for All Saints Day, and the place was packed!
We had tickets to see Michelangelo's “Last Supper”, which was a bucket list experience for me and didn’t disappoint.
Sitting down in a local cafe for lunch, I started to feel mildly anxious and was aware I was putting our shoe buying off, but I couldn't understand why.
Unable to do it much longer, we set off and packed like sardines, basically got carried along by the crowd to the Milan Gucci Flagship store, which was nestled amongst lots of other beautiful-looking stores and many well-heeled Milanese and Japanese shoppers.
As it came into view, I felt sick.
First of all, the breathtaking Galleria Vittorio Emanuele, in the 19th century, where all the main fashion houses are, is like nothing I have ever seen when shopping for shoes. So, I need a little history lesson so you can get a feel for my surroundings.
"In Milan, we spent most of our time in the great and magnificent Loggia, or Galleria, or whatever it is called. Blocks of tall and sumptuous new buildings [...] this is the Galleria. I would like to live there forever. "
(Mark Twain, Vagabond in Italy)
In 1860, the Milan government held a competition to redevelop the area between the Scala Opera House and the Cathedral. Bolognese architect Giuseppe Mengoni won the competition and designed a large glass-covered arcade. It’s a four-storey double arcade named after the first King of Italy, Victor Emmanuel ll.
Because it was December, there was a huge Christmas tree dripping with Swarovski jewels and other sparkly objects. I think you will get the picture now and maybe resonate with my anxiety.
We looked in the window outside for far too long, and here were my thoughts and internal dialogue;
All the people inside are younger, better looking, more sophisticated and probably a lot smarter than me.
They will be judging my clothes - I felt inferior in my Next coat; all of a sudden, it looked tatty to me, and I felt shame.
I’d never really achieved much in my life, and this store was not for me.
Spending money was frivolous and vain, especially when others were struggling, and anyway, I never went anywhere that I could wear them, and they had probably not got them in my size… so let us not bother going in at all!
I don’t deserve these shoes.
Gareth basically pushed me towards the door, and I had no choice but to go in.
What did I find?
The store staff were younger and looked stunning in their uniforms.
Also, they were welcoming, friendly and extremely helpful. They spoke perfect English, and instantly, I felt at ease.
I relaxed and completely enjoyed the whole experience. Guess what? They did have shoes that were my size.
As I left, clutching my very stylish and creative shoe box and bag, I had to ask;
Who was doing the judging?
What goes on around us is all a reflection, a mirror of what’s going on inside. If you judge others harshly, you will judge yourself even more, and that is not conducive to being the strong primal being that you were born to be.
Work on your saboteurs and break free.