How Judging lowers the quality of your life

The Devastating Effects of Judging Others, Ourselves, and Circumstances.

Judgment is a natural human tendency. We constantly evaluate the world around us, from the people we meet to the situations we face. However, when judgment becomes the lens through which we view others, ourselves, and our circumstances, it can cause immense harm. The act of judging creates walls, distances, and misunderstandings, especially within our families, where connection is crucial.

When we judge others, particularly those closest to us, we often do so based on surface-level perceptions or past experiences. This is particularly true in family dynamics.

A parent might judge their child’s career choice, or a sibling might criticize another’s relationship choices.

These judgments are often rooted in fear, insecurity, or unmet expectations. However, the effect is the same: disconnection.

Instead of understanding, we create division. Instead of empathy, we fuel resentment.

This creates an emotional gap that can last for years, if not a lifetime.

Judging ourselves is equally damaging. When we live in constant self-criticism, we prevent ourselves from growing and evolving. The harsh inner voice that tells us we aren’t enough, that we’ve failed, or that we can’t change becomes a barrier to self-compassion and growth.

This internal judgment is often mirrored in how we judge others. The more critical we are of ourselves, the more likely we are to criticize those around us.

Finally, judging circumstances can leave us feeling powerless and stuck. When we look at situations with a mindset of "this is unfair" or "this shouldn't be happening," we limit our ability to adapt and find solutions. Instead of seeing challenges as opportunities to grow, we see them as insurmountable obstacles, leading to frustration and helplessness.

So, how do we begin to manage the “judge” within us?

Practice Empathy – Try to understand where others are coming from. Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask questions and listen. Empathy helps dissolve judgment and foster connection, especially within families.

Cultivate Self-Compassion – Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Recognise that mistakes are part of life, and they don’t define you. Self-compassion allows for growth and healing, freeing you from the chains of self-judgment.

Shift Perspective – When faced with challenging circumstances, try to see them from a different angle. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" or "How can this challenge help me grow?" Shifting your perspective turns judgment into opportunity and opens the door to personal growth.

Judging others, ourselves, and the circumstances we face can devastate our relationships and our well-being. However, by practising empathy, cultivating self-compassion, and shifting our perspective, we can begin to manage the judgment that too often clouds our lives, fostering deeper connections and a healthier mindset.