Not feeling good enough.

Not feeling good enough part one.

As well as yoga asanas, did you know that yoga is a philosophy - a blueprint for living a content, fulfilled and joyous life?

As a yoga teacher, I am well taught in the 8 limbs of yoga, but it is a practice, and I sometimes struggle to stay on the path. However, that’s okay; being aware is a great step forward.

Going through the Yamas recently with a private client, we came to the 5th one, which is Aparigraha - to avoid hoarding and greediness, not take more than we need. Not to become attached to money or possessions, which can quite often become part of our “identity”

I asked her to just imagine all the contents of her wardrobe, kitchen, garage, etc.… And to realise the waste of money, the theft from our planet in resources and how so many less fortunate beings would be blessed with objects and stuff that we probably never needed and now just hoard.

Got me thinking.

Anyway, onto my story...

Way, way back in December 2015 in the beautiful city of Venice. My partner Gareth and I were staying just a little way out of the main centre, about a 15-minute walk from The Doges Palace.

Every day, twice a day, we walked past the huge Gucci store. Now, the light in Venice is absolutely magical in the winter; the mist over the lagoons hangs like layers of delicate voile, which makes a perfect backdrop for all that glitters in that famous store.

A store so bright it could have been spotted from the International Space Station.

And there they were - a pair of gold heels.

Impractical, expensive and a complete waste (I told myself).

Nonetheless, I was mesmerised and drawn like a moth to a flame.

I tried to take a closer look clandestinely.

I never mentioned them apart from the last day, and Gareth replied that they wouldn’t look out of place at Morley Market.

I had this internal dialogue, a heated discussion between my yogic spiritual enlightened soul and my fashionista, lover of shoes and all things sparkly.

I WANT THOSE SHOES!

Well, what’s the point of them? They are totally impractical far too expensive, and I don’t even go anywhere to wear them.

The yogi triumphed, and we returned home for the shoes to become a distant memory.

Or did they?

Visiting a German market on our return, a young woman stopped me to compliment my red jacket. While chatting, I glanced down and saw that she had the gold Gucci shoes on!

I saw them in magazines and on a trip to London I saw Sienna Miller wearing them!

They were everywhere, and I tried to convince myself it was a sign :)

Anyway, fast forward another two years, and I found myself in Milan, outside the Gucci shop, staring at the same shoes - my heart started racing, and mild anxiety gripped my body as someone had offered to buy them for me.

The only thing that separated us was a window and years of shedding, expanding, non-attachment and huge awareness.

I had changed so much in the last two years, and now I had deep inner turmoil.

How did I get here, and what did I do?

I clearly manifested this event, but I’m unsure how.

What would you do?

It reminded me of a time when I never felt good enough, I always put others before me and didn’t have the confidence to speak up - my Mother told me I even cried quietly.

Does that resonate with you at all?

Nowadays, I definitely have a voice, clarity, and purpose, and I know what I want.

My skills and knowledge of NLP and a deep understanding of yogic philosophy have empowered and expanded my life immensely.

I am strong.

I am worthy.

I am loved.

Just like you are.

Part two is coming soon.